News Limericks - II

Apparently some of the Limericks I write are funny - why not milk it for all it is worth?

Also, there is a new News Limerick icon to accompany the posts.

The first is a news item that would not mind being included in The Hangover - Part 3.

A man in Sacremento should have been distraught
Over an argument in a bar he shouldn't have sought
but he did pick a fight
to end an epic night
And woke up the next day to realize he had been shot

For all the headaches produced by the Borat movie, there were some unexpected upsides.

Officials hated the image Borat produced
Of Kazakhstan in the eyes of the world reduced
including a fake national anthem
which was more fun to hum
But he unwittingly gave their tourism a big boost

The next news item does not require much introduction.

Residents were clamoring for cameras in the elevator
Giving up privacy for the sake of this good greater
coz they wanted to thwart
and force him to abort
By catching this nasty perp - a serial defecator.

A heroic tale is a great counter balance to the poo story.

A dog they say is a man's best friend
A label this woman's seeing-dog did transcend
when a robber did attack
the dog fought him back
And called the cops to tie up the loose end

Just when you thought buying lottery tickets was a waste of money.

Many in the world are desperate for their lottery fix
It is all in the numbers or maybe some other tricks
this store in Arizona rural
sold successful tickets in plural
Of million dollar winners, not one or two but six

The next story is quite self-explanatory, but reading it in prose does not make it less funny.

So here is a robber's story you will find quite strange
Interrupted during theft, he fled before the challenge
then was horrified to find
that he left his ID behind
And called the victim's family to propose an exchange

News Limericks

A few friends had a “poetry night”. I decided to write a few topical limericks as my input to the evening. Here are my five.

The first related to this news article talking about a recent competition in England, that judged contestants based on the technical perfection of their facial features.

Some ascribe it to your genes, others to your fate
Mathematicians came up with a formula to describe this trait
with pupils spaced at 44%
and eyes to mouth at 32%
The most technically beautiful face belongs to one, Florence Colgate

Pizza is an important food group. Otherwise how else would one explain the next limerick.

There was a man getting dinner in Omaha
Was so engrossed in saving the box with his pizza
his car hit a pole
and went into a roll
This the is the time for you to go ha ha ha

The next news item happened in 2011 but the results of the investigation came to light this year.

Passengers of Air Canada were in for a fright
The pilot it seems, caused their terrible plight
when he took the plane into a nosedive
with neither a warning or five
Because he mistook Venus for an oncoming flight

Southwest airlines joined in the fun for some more airline related news that could be made into limericks.

It is difficult for flights to be that calm
Though the pilot’s announcement meant no harm
he wished his ma whom he adored
unfortunately he said “mom on board”
And the passengers mistook the first word for a bomb

Finally, Santa might not quite agree, but sometimes reindeer also have to be transported.

Police in Norway pulled a car over in the street
The driver it seems wasn’t that discreet
his Subaru was laden
with a cargo quite brazen
There were five reindeer sitting in the back seat

Yes, there were poetic licenses taken with most of the news articles, but if you were looking here for fair and balanced reporting - maybe you shouldn't worry a distortion of facts.