News Limericks - II

Apparently some of the Limericks I write are funny - why not milk it for all it is worth?

Also, there is a new News Limerick icon to accompany the posts.

The first is a news item that would not mind being included in The Hangover - Part 3.

A man in Sacremento should have been distraught
Over an argument in a bar he shouldn't have sought
but he did pick a fight
to end an epic night
And woke up the next day to realize he had been shot

For all the headaches produced by the Borat movie, there were some unexpected upsides.

Officials hated the image Borat produced
Of Kazakhstan in the eyes of the world reduced
including a fake national anthem
which was more fun to hum
But he unwittingly gave their tourism a big boost

The next news item does not require much introduction.

Residents were clamoring for cameras in the elevator
Giving up privacy for the sake of this good greater
coz they wanted to thwart
and force him to abort
By catching this nasty perp - a serial defecator.

A heroic tale is a great counter balance to the poo story.

A dog they say is a man's best friend
A label this woman's seeing-dog did transcend
when a robber did attack
the dog fought him back
And called the cops to tie up the loose end

Just when you thought buying lottery tickets was a waste of money.

Many in the world are desperate for their lottery fix
It is all in the numbers or maybe some other tricks
this store in Arizona rural
sold successful tickets in plural
Of million dollar winners, not one or two but six

The next story is quite self-explanatory, but reading it in prose does not make it less funny.

So here is a robber's story you will find quite strange
Interrupted during theft, he fled before the challenge
then was horrified to find
that he left his ID behind
And called the victim's family to propose an exchange

News Limericks

A few friends had a “poetry night”. I decided to write a few topical limericks as my input to the evening. Here are my five.

The first related to this news article talking about a recent competition in England, that judged contestants based on the technical perfection of their facial features.

Some ascribe it to your genes, others to your fate
Mathematicians came up with a formula to describe this trait
with pupils spaced at 44%
and eyes to mouth at 32%
The most technically beautiful face belongs to one, Florence Colgate

Pizza is an important food group. Otherwise how else would one explain the next limerick.

There was a man getting dinner in Omaha
Was so engrossed in saving the box with his pizza
his car hit a pole
and went into a roll
This the is the time for you to go ha ha ha

The next news item happened in 2011 but the results of the investigation came to light this year.

Passengers of Air Canada were in for a fright
The pilot it seems, caused their terrible plight
when he took the plane into a nosedive
with neither a warning or five
Because he mistook Venus for an oncoming flight

Southwest airlines joined in the fun for some more airline related news that could be made into limericks.

It is difficult for flights to be that calm
Though the pilot’s announcement meant no harm
he wished his ma whom he adored
unfortunately he said “mom on board”
And the passengers mistook the first word for a bomb

Finally, Santa might not quite agree, but sometimes reindeer also have to be transported.

Police in Norway pulled a car over in the street
The driver it seems wasn’t that discreet
his Subaru was laden
with a cargo quite brazen
There were five reindeer sitting in the back seat

Yes, there were poetic licenses taken with most of the news articles, but if you were looking here for fair and balanced reporting - maybe you shouldn't worry a distortion of facts.

The Vacation

It was a month after the funeral that the envelop arrived. It wasn't too heavy, but was made of thick, yellow paper and had a curious red wax seal on it. Inside was a single key, a brochure for a vacation resort, and a scribbled note from his deceased uncle.


John lounged in a corner of Lucy's. John never sat; he lounged. His right arm was thrown over the back rest of the booth, while the rest of his body seemed to hang down from it. His left shoulder rested comfortably against the wall and the right foot peeked out from under the table. The ever-present cigarette dangled from his finger tips. He was clean-shaven, which was the only remarkable thing about seeing him in his usual corner of the diner.


The dappled shade under the mango trees triggered two very conflicting emotions. Firstly, it signalled the possibility of juicy fruit. Secondly it signalled fear - he was somewhere he ought not to be, and must therefore, be very careful. The dry leaves from the trees threatened to crunch underfoot. The problem with leaves crunching wasn't so much as giving his existence away; a regular crunch-crunch meant he wouldn't be able to hear others approaching. He had long mastered the art of walking in spurts, with dragging motion, continually listening for any approaching footsteps.

Word of Gods

The morning light dappled across his face as he sat bare-chested, meditating. There was calming silence about him, it was almost as if even the wind and the waves knew to be restrained. The room was small and bare, a single block of stone wide enough for a man to sit on, a pot of water in the corner and two massive windows with grills to the north and east. The room itself was at the north eastern corner of the hillside, the last human accomplishment before the abrupt fall of the hillside towards a sheer cliff and the sea.



I sat by the window of the local coffee shop, early Wednesday morning, sipping the first of what would be several cups of espresso on a day like this. It was early but the sun was already beating down, promising a scorcher. I swore under my breath - a wonderful day to pick for my beat.

5 a.m.

This one was after a long time. And a lot had happened in the meanwhile. And it was 5 in the morning and I was dog tired. Sleep was nowhere in sight. And mentally, things were feeling like fun. And sarcasm was dripping all over me. This happened.

Just a Crazy love song

Have you ever been in love? Mebbe this will help. (PS: No Tune, at least none that sounds unlike the earlier ones)


It had started differently but ended as this. You have seen The Matrix. I don't suffer from such manic proportions in delusions, but well a small helping never hurts. What if the whole concept of governance is just a facade? (PS: I love The Matrix) (PS2: And I do have a tune for this too.)

Grown Up Now

I love this one. You know it has become fashionable to say, "I am still a child inside me.". And believe most of the time you have a sniggering idiot, who is just waiting for you to turn your back to the child. But when there truly is a child, you will not see him. Because he is a child. And children don't advertise. So what happens is this, and people thing otherwise.

Go To Hell

I was on a roll, after the last one and decided it was time to expand my horizons. So decided to jump into songwriting for a change. Blame it all on the follies of youth and you will hit the nail on the head. Any ways. Have you ever loved and wanted to hate at the same time. Imagine the rose, and the hand responding to the incredible beauty of the rose almost on its own accord. Then the thorn cuts right in between you and the beauty, and you finger rushes for the safety of the mouth. What did you feel? And what did you feel if this was just metaphorical. (PS: I think I have a punkish tune for this too)


Statutory warning: Don't read this if you are feeling down. It just might push you over. This from someone other than me.

Spent Dreams

Well this was the first one in the current binge of poems. Started with no reason other than the fact that this title sounds cool. And, well, developed into well a postmortem of success. I am guessing here, not that I have been there. Tell me if you think this is, or is not, the way you felt. Got different reactions for this one. One friend actually thought of making this sound more upbeat. That is optimism for you.

The Purse

A PURSE is where you keep things. A BOX is also where you keep things. But a purse is not a box. A purse unlike a box has many uses. A box is also very useful.