February 18, 2002


Statutory warning: Don't read this if you are feeling down. It just might push you over. This from someone other than me.

I want to cry out, but I know I cant
I want to laugh out loud, but I know I cannot
The tears do come, the sobs rack my body
It is physical, its not the feeling
I am too hard, too hard make a difference
Frozen emotions, Cynical intellect
Oh my god, i sometimes wish i were not me
To be free, to take a plunge into the sea
Wash myself of, and cleanse my soul
Forgive and forget, and get it over with.
But I know i cant, forget i can, forgive i cannot
It is the pain that haunts, unbidden and that leaves
without leave. the feelings i crave for, the wantings i wish for
are mere thoughts, and options, no more no less
When did it come to this?
When did i become my own experiment?
Wish for freedom, wish for innocence.
Freedom to be something i can never be.
Unshakled by thoughts, unbridled by emotion. unperturbed by
all that is not me.
Dream of a land, a time, just a cosy little space.
To meet me, and talk with me, and laugh with me
and not hatch plots with me
Is this my curse, is this my bane
Is this my undoing and will i never be sane
I cant see the horizon, the days pass by
I cant see the horizon, life's dropping by
Beat my hands in agony, beat myself again
nothing compares with the pure anguish and pain
I know not the reason, i know not the cure
But what i know is that i must endure
Oh my god i pray for numbness, waiting in vain
Screaming obscene praises, basking in glory i have lain
Sick and tired, sick and tired, sick and tired
Give me this boon, coz i have in full, paid
Take from me your boon, your curse, this mind
Let me in dumb, dark, stupidity, myself find

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